DAY 36: 329 Days To Go

6 Oct

This morning I went to the beach and had the most wonderful phone conversation with my mother.  The birds were singing, the weather gorgeous and the beach beautiful.Mom tells me what my heart has been longing to hear.  She always tells me she is there for me, for whatever I need but today was different, it was really special.  She told me “Cin, you’re drowning.  If you need a plane ticket to go meditate, to go do yoga somewhere, to go find yourself, you go do it.  I will pay for it.  Just go and find yourself.”

I couldn’t believe it.  I have been feeling so alone.  That no one understands who I am. I have been traveling for over a decade.  The people I have met here on Guam, have no idea who I REALLY am.  And writing this I come to the realization that I have not told them either.

Mom told me for the first time the it is okay if I go, it is okay if my marriage does not work with what my heart yearns to do, it is okay to return to the path of the Wild Woman, to not care what anyone thinks (even family) as long as I am happy.  She reminds me it is not worth it.  I have been wanting to hear this for someone, anyone, for weeks, maybe even months.

I am filled with such thankfulness and gratitude for her.  I needed that support.

What happens now?  I leave for a 2 week trip to Australia in 3 days.  I have survived the worst of it.  3 more days, an environment change and new-ness.

Thank you is my mantra.  Bless you mother.

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